This year has been quite a journey, but so has my life, really, and I am sure everyone can say that. Life has a way of throwing you curve balls, giving you amazing (and horrible) surprises, situations where the choices are between bad or worse. But it is a journey nonetheless.
About a year ago we made the decision to step into this business. We weren’t sure what to do, or whether we would be successful, but we wanted to try. I am a very solid thinking person, I like to be decisive and move on, I do not like to belabor a point, and once I make a decision-look out, move over or your might be run over. I like to keep it moving…
I really thought I was just starting a business but what I quickly learned was that dōTERRA is a “personal development company wrapped in a compensation plan”- this is what I was told and I don’t think I really believed them. But I am a rule follower so when I was given the task of 30 mins of personal development a day I had to check it off my list. So away I went to find some good personal development books. I decided audiobooks were the best choice for me since I am in the car so much. I have probably read about 20 books this year, and that is 20 more than the previous year!
What this personal development time started to do was peel away my layers. Layers it had taken YEARS to accumulate. Not all of them bad, not all of them good, some painful, and some that I was grateful to throw away. Over the past couple of months I have been feeling unrest in my soul and I just didn’t know why. Everything has been good, the business is thriving, my day job is going well, with a promotion just secured, the kids are active and busy, etc. Two weeks ago God gently showed me the source of my distress. I have been hanging onto some deep unforgiveness and resentment. I felt good about it actually, because you have to name it to tame it, so at least I knew what I was up against. I tucked that bit of knowledge in my pocket and kept moving. Until last weekend…
I headed to a women’s retreat with my church, and it was like God took a 2×4 to my soul. Every single talk, testimony, verse, song, literally everything felt like it was designed for my ears. That I needed to HEAR them, that I needed to FEEL them, that I needed to ALLOW myself to be exposed to the pain, the hurt, the vulnerability. It was hard. Really hard. I am the one that helps others, I shoulder their burdens, give them support, wipe away their tears, lend an ear, all while keeping myself together. It is easier that way. So much easier to deal with other peoples stuff rather than your own.
What I also heard loud and clear is that I need to let go. Let go of self-condemnation, resentment, anger, and unforgiveness in order to truly love others. These things are blocking me from accepting the Love of my heavenly Father, and therefore I cannot truly love others well. I thought I was loving others, and I probably was in some ways, but not fully, not the way I am called to. Not with my whole heart, not with a HEALED heart, and that is what I want, I want to live wholeheartedly. Without pretense, or the perfect “put together” facade. I just want to fully and with grace and humility pour love into the world. Doesn’t that sound lovely?
So here I am, on the precipice of a life-altering collision course with LOVE, and I have decided to LET GO (which does not come easily to this perfectionist, planner, “dot every I cross every T” girl)! As luck would have it we had the opportunity to zipline and I had decided to not be afraid and sign up. And I think this picture sums up letting go, what perfect timing it was. But of course my Father knew exactly what I would need, and I need to do this soul work, for He has shown me His plan for my life, and it is BIG!
What do you need to Let go of? Trust Him, He will catch you.
