I found my first gray hair around age 19 or 20, I tease Dan that it all started when I first met him ;). I had a few and they never really bothered me because I could just pull out the random hairs. I would dye my hair but more for the fun of it, my mom always let me explore with hair coloring from a very young age. I loved highlights especially during the summer.
I chose not to dye my hair when I was pregnant with my oldest due to the toxins and it was then I realized just how gray I was around my temples. I have a few pictures from that time and I had two stripes of gray down the side of my head! After seeing those pics, I religiously dyed my hair for the next 15+ years.
The change came on gradually. The feeling of relaxation I used to have when I went to the salon gave way to burden. I knew every single month that I would spend two (or more) hours in the chair and drop $200 a pop. When I was feeling especially sick of it I would mention going gray to my hairdresser or friends and they all said the same thing, “You are too young!”. I would let the feeling fade only to resurface after a few months. I started to feel like I was spending an awful lot of my time and attention on how I looked on the outside, while telling my kids they needed to focus on the inside. Listen, I have nothing against caring about looking nice, but for me, I felt like I wasn’t living up to the lessons I was teaching my children. For some unknown reason I went gray early but that doesn’t take away anything about who I am, nor should it change the way people think of me, right?
A year ago I dyed my hair for the very last time, although I didn’t know it! In November I woke up one day and I just knew that I was done! Done dyeing my hair, done sitting in the chair for hours, done spending the equivalent of a car payment on the upkeep, and done caring about being 40 and gray. I told my family over dinner and they were all horrified! Funny, though, with their less that stellar attempts at support, my resolve grew!! I was so excited to be me, gray and ALL!
I have to tell you, I still walk by mirrors and wonder if I have done the right thing. My reflection shocks me from time to time! But overall, I am so grateful that I made this decision. I have proved to myself that looks just don’t matter, truly they don’t, not one bit. I love the 30 minute haircut I get every 8 weeks along with all the awesome responses I get from the older generation. Most people are very supportive and actually tell me how brave I am. But it wasn’t bravery that brought me here, that is reserved for those doing really brave things like fighting cancer or surviving traumas, it was just time to stop trying to cover up the crown God intended for me!
Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained in the way of righteousness
Proverbs 16:31
